I AM AWAKE

Yeah so, i am still awake. i feel like sooooooo wierd that my parents are all "go to sleep" but, as soon as they are gone i am on the computer and BAM i am typing again.

So i am in love.

Shit

Well, i wish i could help my self. this love thing is driving me crazy. i see in movies all that time that have people all down and they do really stupid thing for love. I never thought that what they were doing anywon would do or feel. now i know i am wrong. i feel and act that same way. well, i have been thinking, and my thoughts are as allways up to no good. it dose not sound like he wants to be with this other girl.....liz...just her name brings to mind her image.....ewwwwwww....anywho, i could swoop in and take him and we could be lovers once again. but, is that wrong? it is but, at the same time no....this is true love here people. YOU GATTA TAKE IT WHEN IT COMES! it may never come again.

lot-o-love,
charlotte

SWOON

Well, me and ben the guy i love whent for a walk and talked about things. We played mind games the whole time but, oh god i loved it. The hunt of intelect is a VERY exciting event. When he put his arm around me it was of corse to keep me warm. In the words of Ville Vallo "it is strange what desire will make foolish people do." I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to feel the power that electrifies between us when we share that kiss. but, alas he is yet taken......fuck, what am i supposed to do when no matter what you do you are stuck on somewon. I would try to date but, it is just not fair to the person i am dating for me to have somewon else on my mind 24/7. So yup.

I am stuck

like gum to a shoe.

i am happy....but, as soon as he hangs up

As we talk on the phone i feel so happy. I hang on every word that is spoken.

my inside my heart is still broken.

i know that he is not mine. but, still his heart is so devine.

he dose not know my love for him. he dose not know how bad i want him mine.

but, what he wants is what i will give, even iif that means for me not to live.

"Love like Winter"

Well i got all dressed up with my best friend and we found out the winter ball we had planed to go to for EVER was cancled due to a power outage........ALL OF THE LIGHTS WERE ON! DAMN! so we all headed back to my friends house with some "friends". The fakies. They do not have one single thought in there head that is not of origonality......carbon copy clones. Still the guy i have a crush on looked hot but me and Brit just ate pizza and talked. god i love to talk. Not just about random shit, but, something that has a deeper meaning to it...something that actually gets you thinking. I started to get sick really fast so she and the fakies walked me home and to get a load off my chest i came here.

Still thinking about my last post though, i have not stoped. yup, i am still a love sick puppy. Meh' what can you do though?

lots-o-love,
charlotte

A story we have all heard

This is a story we have all heard a million times. A girl falls in love with a guy and for one reason or another, they have to call it off after a long "loving" relationship. Yeah well now that i know what real depression feeling like.....it sucks major butt. I devoted myself to him.

Devoted WHOLE self.

Now really think about what that means.

I thought things were the best. We were honest, caring, romantic......and it all was a down hill fall. I can not stop thinking about him. this just drives me UP THE FRIGGING WAll! I cannot stop. Even though he is gone, he is still here. now loving somewon and watching them go hurts but, watching them go and give affection to somewon else.....BURN. That can carve the biggest hole in you.

i got to move on. i know i do. it is just so hard. but, NEVER GIVE UP. i have to hold strong..